Luka
Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1387
Loc: The great NorthWet
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ROFLMFAO !
I think we just found the graphics for our new front page !!!!
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. ~Samuel Johnson
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calvin
Reged: Apr 29 2002
Posts: 2388
Loc: NW Ohio
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no kidding, in australia too? The world is small.
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Remodeling Contractor just outside the Glass City
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markcadioli
Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1405
Loc: Australia
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Cal
what are you doing up this time of night/day?
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markcadioli
Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1405
Loc: Australia
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Subject: Airplanes vs. Women
Reasons why airplanes are easier to live with than women:
1) Airplanes usually kill you quickly, a woman takes her time.
2) Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
3) Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go"
4) Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.
5) Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
6) Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
7) Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
8) Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
9) Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.
10) Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
11) Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.
12) Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.
13) Airplanes expect to be tied down.
14) Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
15) Airplanes don't whine unless something is really, really wrong.
16) However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women, it's usually not good.
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calvin
Reged: Apr 29 2002
Posts: 2388
Loc: NW Ohio
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For crying out loud mark, going to work. You're the one on the weird time zone. Heck, it's not even today there........it's tomorrow. Speaking of that, who won the Kentucky Derby?
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Remodeling Contractor just outside the Glass City
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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Thibodeaux Feels Bad
Thibodeaux called his boss and says "Mais, boss man, I can't be to work today. I got dat headache wit a stomach virex and my leg, it hurt bad, yeah. I can't come an work wit you today, me, no."
Thibodeaux's boss says: "Thib I need you bad on dis day. We got a lotto did, us, yeah. When I feel like dat I go to my wife and ax her to give me dat sex. Dat make me feel so good dat I can got sum work did.
You try dat, ok?"
Two hours later Thibodeaux calls again, "Boss, I dun what you said I should did. Mais, I feel great, I be at work soon, me. You got a nice house, yeah."
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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A cowboy and his new bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room. "Congratulations on your wedding!" the clerk says. "Would you like the bridal, then?" "Naw, thanks," says the cowboy. "I'll just hold her by the ears till she gets the hang of it."
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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How I got slapped!
Me and the wife was driving down the road and I hit a little skunk. We stopped and picked up the stunned little critter and she put it in her lap so we could take it to the vet. Poor little guy is shivering and all huddled up.
Pretty soon she pointed and said " It stinks down there"
So I said "Pinch his little nose"
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time."Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.The boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too.
"And I'll be DAMNED if I get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"
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TLE
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 142
Loc: Southern Michigan
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As I've Matured...
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...
I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.
I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it
I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.
Pass this along to 5 friends...trust me, they'll appreciate it. Who knows,maybe something good will happen. If not...tough!
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markcadioli
Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1405
Loc: Australia
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Looking to buy a frog?
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
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markcadioli
Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1405
Loc: Australia
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Pessimist and a dog
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
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