kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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You been talkin' to my wife?
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calvin
Reged: Apr 29 2002
Posts: 2390
Loc: NW Ohio
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You just don't miss a beat do you?
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Remodeling Contractor just outside the Glass City
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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Warning! Bad word below!
Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps on the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination", says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"NOW what?" shouts Sister Catherine?
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen, quickly.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the *#@&!! off the car!"
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markcadioli
Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1406
Loc: Australia
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I'm not saying anything. He certainly doesn't need encouragement. I think he's going to take the prize just on volume alone.
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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Can you tell which bird is female?
Click on attachment to try.
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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Easter has been cancelled.
Sorry.
Click on attachment to see why.
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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Post deleted by markcadioli
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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Post deleted by markcadioli
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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Post deleted by markcadioli
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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Post deleted by markcadioli
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
You can tune the lawn mower
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calvin
Reged: Apr 29 2002
Posts: 2390
Loc: NW Ohio
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This isn't mine, comes from my wife to add a little competition .
On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St.Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited for an answer. . .. . .for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn'twork?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said! the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?
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Remodeling Contractor just outside the Glass City
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markcadioli
Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1406
Loc: Australia
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I think that one is a winner Joyce. Looks like we'll have two prizes...KK for sheer numbers ( and some good ones ) and yours unless someone tops it.
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calvin
Reged: Apr 29 2002
Posts: 2390
Loc: NW Ohio
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Mark..............
you awake?
It's yesterday.
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Remodeling Contractor just outside the Glass City
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markcadioli
Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1406
Loc: Australia
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I am, but away from home on a borrowed computer. My vote is for Joyces with KK runner up. Ken email me your addy so we can get this thing moving. Thanks to all who participated.
regards
mark
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calvin
Reged: Apr 29 2002
Posts: 2390
Loc: NW Ohio
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Thank you mark, Joyce is working on her acceptance speech and I can tell you she is very happy.
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Remodeling Contractor just outside the Glass City
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kkearney
Reged: Apr 30 2002
Posts: 244
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Mark,
Please put my prize up for auction.
Thanks,
KK
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markcadioli
Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1406
Loc: Australia
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Ken
That's very generous of you. Thank You. Cal..you are the Auctioneer. Can we leave that in your court?
regards
mark
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calvin
Reged: Apr 29 2002
Posts: 2390
Loc: NW Ohio
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yes, I can do it. I had hopes ken would take the prize, he's been generous in the past and it's high time he accept a reward. Please reconsider ken, I think you'd like to read the book. If you then want to give it up, so be it. Remember, it'll come signed to you, something to pass down methinks.
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Remodeling Contractor just outside the Glass City
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calvin
Reged: Apr 29 2002
Posts: 2390
Loc: NW Ohio
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THE AMISH ELEVATOR
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that
could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father(never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never
seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old
lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a
button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular
numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch
until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in
the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous
24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father said quietly to his son... "Go get your mother."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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Remodeling Contractor just outside the Glass City
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