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markcadioliAdministrator



Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1405
Loc: Australia
Martha's list
      #4384 - Tue Dec 24 2002 05:46 PM





Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List

December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.

December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.

December 3
Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener.

December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.

December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.

December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.

December 7
Debug Windows '2000

December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

December 11
Lay Faberge egg.

December 12
Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.

December 13
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.

December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "Holiday Scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.

December 17
Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.

December 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be the same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

December 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

December 22
Float votive candles in toilet tank.

December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas. Festoon windows with worthless stock.

December 24
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.

December 25
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.

December 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

December 31
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.


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markcadioliAdministrator



Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1405
Loc: Australia
Re: Martha's list [Re: markcadioli]
      #4405 - Thu Dec 26 2002 02:46 AM

(1) How can you arrange for two people to stand on the same piece of newspaper and yet be unble to touch each other without stepping off the newspaper.

(2) How many 3-cent stamps are there in a dozen?

(3) A rope ladder hangs over the side of a ship. The rungs are one foot apart and the ladder is 12 feet long. The tide is rising at four inches an hour. How long will it take before the first four rungs of the ladder are underwater?

(4) Which would you rather have, a gallon jar full of nickels or a gallon jar half full of dimes?

(5) Steve has three piles of sand and Mike has four piles of sand. All together, how many do they have?

(6) In which sport are the shoes made entirely of metal?

(7) If the Vice-President of the United States should die, who would be President?

(8) How can you throw a golf ball with all your might and -- without hitting a wall or any other obstruction -- have the ball stop and come right back to you?

(9) According to most state laws, the attempt to commit a certain crime is punishable, but actually committing the crime is not. What is the crime?

(10) Find the English word that can be formed from all these letters:

PNLLEEEESSSSS

(11) How many times can you subtract 2 from the numeral 9?

(12) If you take two apples from three apples, how many apples will you have?

(13) If you are standing on a hard floor, how can you drop an egg three feet without breaking the egg?

(Scroll down for the answers)




















ANSWERS:

(1) Slide the newspaper half way under a closed door and ask the two people to stand on the bit of newspaper on their side of the door.

(2) There are twelve (not four).

(3) Actually, the ladder will rise with the ship!

(4) Dimes are smaller than nickels, so choose the dimes!

(5) When they put them all together, there will be one pile.

(6) Horse racing.

(7) The President.

(8) Throw the ball straight up.

(9) Suicide.

(10) Sleeplessness.

(11) Just once. Then you'd be subtracting 2 from the numeral 7, then 2 from the numeral 5, and so forth.

(12) You will have two apples.

(13) Hold the egg more than three feet above the ground when you drop it.



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