markcadioli
Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1405
Loc: Australia
|
|
Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List
December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
December 3 Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener.
December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7 Debug Windows '2000
December 10 Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11 Lay Faberge egg.
December 12 Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13 Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14 Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December 15 Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "Holiday Scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.
December 17 Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19 Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be the same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20 Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21 Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.
December 22 Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23 Seed clouds for white Christmas. Festoon windows with worthless stock.
December 24 Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.
December 25 Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.
December 26 Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27 Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
December 31 New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.
|
markcadioli
Reged: Apr 25 2002
Posts: 1405
Loc: Australia
|
|
(1) How can you arrange for two people to stand on the same piece of newspaper and yet be unble to touch each other without stepping off the newspaper.
(2) How many 3-cent stamps are there in a dozen?
(3) A rope ladder hangs over the side of a ship. The rungs are one foot apart and the ladder is 12 feet long. The tide is rising at four inches an hour. How long will it take before the first four rungs of the ladder are underwater?
(4) Which would you rather have, a gallon jar full of nickels or a gallon jar half full of dimes?
(5) Steve has three piles of sand and Mike has four piles of sand. All together, how many do they have?
(6) In which sport are the shoes made entirely of metal?
(7) If the Vice-President of the United States should die, who would be President?
(8) How can you throw a golf ball with all your might and -- without hitting a wall or any other obstruction -- have the ball stop and come right back to you?
(9) According to most state laws, the attempt to commit a certain crime is punishable, but actually committing the crime is not. What is the crime?
(10) Find the English word that can be formed from all these letters:
PNLLEEEESSSSS
(11) How many times can you subtract 2 from the numeral 9?
(12) If you take two apples from three apples, how many apples will you have?
(13) If you are standing on a hard floor, how can you drop an egg three feet without breaking the egg?
(Scroll down for the answers)
ANSWERS:
(1) Slide the newspaper half way under a closed door and ask the two people to stand on the bit of newspaper on their side of the door.
(2) There are twelve (not four).
(3) Actually, the ladder will rise with the ship!
(4) Dimes are smaller than nickels, so choose the dimes!
(5) When they put them all together, there will be one pile.
(6) Horse racing.
(7) The President.
(8) Throw the ball straight up.
(9) Suicide.
(10) Sleeplessness.
(11) Just once. Then you'd be subtracting 2 from the numeral 7, then 2 from the numeral 5, and so forth.
(12) You will have two apples.
(13) Hold the egg more than three feet above the ground when you drop it.
|
|
0 registered and 1 anonymous users are browsing this forum.
Moderator:
Print Topic
|
Forum Permissions
You cannot start new topics
You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled
UBBCode is enabled
|
Rating:
Topic views: 1647
|
|
|
|
|
|
Powered by UBB.threads™ 6.5.5
|
Please pay
our friends
a visit
(We do not
recieve income
from these links.)
|